What A Difference!

I started the couch to 5k running program the first time back in 2008. I was overweight, on an expensive weight loss program and needed a way to get active. Trudging through each session was hard. There were days that I wasn't sure if I would make it to the end. I did. I ran my first 5k the day after my best friend died. All of the emotions of my horrible loss ran through me as I struggled to make the finish line. My sister ran with me and her encouragement kept me running to the very end. I know that I made my BFF proud because I stuck it out. I started running 5Ks in her memory after that. You see, she was supposed to be my running buddy. She was 7 1/2 months pregnant when she died. After she had her little girl, she was going to join me in running. I had a memorial shirt made and it was my race day shirt. Since then, life is very different. I am overweight again, but in recovery from food addiction. I am going through the couch to 5k program again, but what amazes me is this: I am running faster now than ever before! My first 5k, I was down to 145 lbs but I ran slow...about 3.2 mph. I am currently 185 and running 4.1 mph. How is it possible that I can run faster now, carrying an extra 40 pounds?! The only difference is what I eat. I no longer eat sugar, wheat, processed foods, junk food, or fast food. I am healthier now than I have been since I was a kid. What a difference healthy eating makes! And not just healthy, but clean eating. This is one lifestyle change that is permanent. I look forward to my first 5k of 2013. I will be wearing my special memorial race day shirt and I am guessing that I will be making a new personal record. :D I just might have to encourage Doc to be at the finish line so I have an extra celebration buddy.

A Little Bit of Everything

I am seeing physical success that I can measure! I am down a pant size. I was so excited when I went shopping! I have finished the first week of the couch to 5k running program. I start the second week today. My husband cheers me on every step of the way. I am planning on running the Dow Run/Walk in May as my first race. This weekend I was invited to a leadership retreat for Premier. I need some encouragement since my business has been so slow. I am starting to feel discouraged, but I know that I just need to get some shows booked and meet some new people and things will be better again. We are supposed to bring snacks (something sweet and something salty) to share with everyone, but I have already told one of the coordinators that due to food allergies, I will just be bringing my own. It is way easier that way and I also set myself up for success that way. I am planning on bringing some fruit (apple, banana, grapes) and some Nut Thins and GF pretzels. I may pack some nuts too. I will have my reusable water bottle and Stevia on hand too. The past week or so, my two year old has been very trying. He's gotten mouthy, he has an attitude, and he has quite the temper. After a horrible day that left me in tears, I prayed for wisdom. Since then, I am more gentle in my responses to his bad behavior and it is working much better. He responds better to me and goes back to better behavior much more quickly. Yay for small victories! My best friend's birthday is coming up this weekend. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't miss her. I usually leave her flowers on her grave, but since I will be gone, I may have to do it early. I miss talking to her the most. She was my one sister who I could tell anything to. Talking to her while sitting on her bench just isn't the same. This week, I had to pick out pictures of my buddy and his mom for a Mother's Day brunch. The kindergarten teacher puts together a slideshow for all the moms. I chose a couple pics of AJ with his momma and a couple of him and me together.

Mental!

I have been having cravings the past week that don't make any sense. I really wanted some ice cream because I saw a picture of some. Normally, the sight of something doesn't bother me. I wonder if there is such thing as a mental craving. I don't physically crave it. I have been without processed sugar for 2 months. This craving occurred during PMS week and I am guessing that was a factor. I did not give into it but it just seemed out of place. Old habits die hard, I know. I just didn't figure it would be so deep in my subconscious. I've also been a touch emotional lately, but it's March...my best friend's birthday is coming up soon. The mind is such a powerful organ. My subconscious notices these little things and I get moody before I realize why. Actually, I bet my cravings are related in part to missing my best friend too. Breaking emotional eating habits is not easy. Last night, I had a snack and I am not sure I was hungry. It was a healthy snack, but the roots of my food addiction run deep. Step one of avoiding unhealthy food is successful. Step two will be learning to recognize when my emotions are tied to wanting to eat. I don't get mad at myself when I realize that I fell into an familiar trap. One thing I know with absolute certainty: living in recovery is a life-long journey. Like anything else, it's a learning process. Yesterday, I started the couch to 5k training program. I am down about 10 lbs and in two places on my belt. I am eating healthy foods and using WW to help me eat balanced and eat the right portion sizes. I haven't eaten processed foods or sugar in two months. I'd call that successful recovery. Wouldn't you?

Decisions, Decisions....

Saturday evening, my husband and I attended a benefit dinner for the Haitian ministry that we support. It was a wonderful evening with a nice dinner, (I made good choices!), speakers for what the ministry is about, and a silent auction. As I was there listening to the speakers (several were my friends) and looking at the slides of the things happening in Haiti, I felt a tug to go back. I went to Haiti on a mission trip two summers ago. We had a team of 11. Each team that goes has a different focus. When you're there, you live like the Haitians, eat like the Haitians, and love on the Haitian people. We helped some elderly women paint their new houses too. EDTC is a wonderful ministry because they aren't doing the work for the people. They're equipping the people to work for themselves, to earn a decent living, get out of their post-earthquake tents, and to clean up the garbage everywhere via a new recycling center. Most of all, they're equipping people through a discipleship and literacy school to reach their own people for Jesus. Now I have a decision to make. I was planning on going to Rally for my jewelry business in July. Now, I want to go to Haiti on a team in June. My husband says that I cannot do both. My business has been slow so far this year. It's hard to fight the frustration of a business that is in a down time. Every jeweler has one periodically. I also think my "why" is changing. My "why": the reason I am part of Premier. I want to use my jewelry business to further the work in Haiti. It was part of my why, but now I think it's going to be my main focus. That is why I am leaning more and more on going to Haiti in a few months. I have to make my decision very soon....like in the next week. I have to admit, I already know I'm going to Haiti. I hope my Premier family understands and is supportive. I also hope they share all the fabulous training when they return from Rally!

Chocolate!

Right away from the title I can almost hear Doc saying "That is not your food!" No worries though...I didn't fall over board. In fact, I haven't eaten any. Today that is my problem. Chocolate is one of those foods that I miss on occasion. With Easter coming up, the stores are flooded with candy galore. Sadly, so is the cereal aisle every week. I can walk past it without even a glance. My dad forgets and offers me a little piece and I decline. His M&M car dispenser is still there, but I don't push the hood to get a handful. Today, I just want a bite. However, I am smart enough to know that it wouldn't stop there. I made myself a substitute: hot cocoa made from cocoa powder, milk, and stevia. It's not quite the same, but it's enough to satisfy my want. I can have a mug full, drink it slow and enjoy it. This is only the second mug of it I've had in my six weeks of recovery. In some ways, I thought this recovery journey would be harder....especially with changing habits. God must have His hand on me in a major way because I am doing well. To God be the glory! All things are possible with Jesus.

Helping Others

The last time I spoke to Doc, she mentioned how sometimes helping others is good for your own personal recovery. I've only been doing this for about six weeks, I think and God seems to be using me already to reach others with similar food addictions. It started with my friend, "S". Friend S and I were talking about things going on in our lives and I mentioned my adventures in recovery. She was telling me about her problem with sugar and she realized she had a pretty significant addiction to it. Since our talk, she has found the courage to start making changes to eliminate it from her diet. She is reading a book on clean eating and she is very inspired. She and I will be meeting again soon to talk more in depth about what I do, versus a workable game plan for her. Today, I was having a play date with my friend ST. Our kids were playing and she mentioned my weight loss. Apparently it's noticeable to others....a nice thing to have noticed! I was explaining my food addiction, what my problem was, and how I am working in recovery from it. Her eyes got big and she said that sounds just like her. She can't wait to hear more about it. She and I are going to find a time soon to "get down and dirty" (well, you know what I mean) in details. I am even going to take her to the store I shop at and show her all of my grocery treasures! How humbling to be an example for others, used by God. Who knew that facing my problem would end up giving hope to others with the same issue? All I can say is wow. God amazes me!

A Better Way

I know many people who have undergone lap-band or bariatric surgery to help them lose weight. I've heard the stories of how their bodies easily get them sick if they eat wrong. A family member of mine had this type of surgery today. I battle a food addiction, but I do not understand the desperation of major surgery. I've heard too many stories of how people undo their surgery by going back to the old eating habits from before. I worry for this very thing for my family member. Depression runs through my family significantly. I hope for her sake that she can make lifestyle changes to make her success long term. Scary too, that some people die from complications from this type of surgery. My friend's husband died from complications from his surgery. He left a wife and young child behind. This to me is not worth it. Make life style changes and join a support group....and most importantly, ask God to help you. I know it isn't always as simple as I make it sound. Addiction certainly isn't. The reason our country is overweight is because we eat garbage. High calorie, low nutrition foods that make us fat and sluggish. One thing that is amazing to me is that now that I have eliminated sugar and wheat from what I eat, everything tastes so much better! My favorite new food is vanilla almond butter, made local in my state. There is a little sugar in it; it's the last ingredient. I know that my new 'treat' can go and get me into trouble if I am not careful. I make a point to eat it only once or twice a week (limited to a serving size) and with apple slices. The instant it becomes a must have, then it has to go. These are the types of changes that will cause me to be successful and without major surgical intervention. Last weigh in I was down 7 1/2 pounds. I am in a notch on my belt too. :D