Facing the truth

Hi. My name is Lissa and I am a food addict. This is not something that I can say very easily. It brings up shame and guilt. It has taken me months to get to a place of acceptance. For a long time, I did not want to admit that I had a real problem. "I can handle it....I can eat anything and be fine." The lies went on and on and the numbers on my scale went up and up. For me it was never an intentional issue. My addiction follows closely to battling depression for most of my life. I get down, I eat uncontrollably, I feel guilty, I eat. What a vicious negative cycle I lived in. One full of denial and misery. I have tried every diet plan and then some. I have wasted countless amounts of money on trying to get my weight down, only to have it go back up. I realize now that I was avoiding the real cause.....until now. I have a fabulous Christian therapist whom I will call simply 'Doc'. I've been seeing Doc for at least 6 months. We've been working through many issues and working toward getting me depression free and healthy. After watching a documentary on where our food comes from, I decided to transition the family to being vegetarian. The kids squawked but they got used to it. Then my father in law got sick and everything went out the window. Back to the old crappy eating habits. My FIL died right after Christmas this past year and it was time to take action. My scale read the highest weight I have ever had, except for being 9 months pregnant. How far was I going to let this go? Did I really need to develop heart problems and diabetes before getting my head out of denial? Nope. With Doc's help and God's nudging, I faced reality. I have a food addiction, which is a serious problem like any other kind. Doc and I formed a plan of attack. Flour and sugar are what cause my uncontrollable cravings and mindless eating habits. They have to go and not just for awhile. FOREVER. Really? Forever? Yep. I have proven many times that trying to have just a little doesn't work. Food takes over and I get fatter and more depressed. No more bread, cookies, cake, ice cream, chocolate.....and I am now okay with it. I am using Weight Watchers online to keep track of what I am eating while avoiding flour and sugar. I get to eat lots of wonderfully healthy foods like fruits, veggies, beans, nuts, hummus, veggie protein, eggs, etc. I started officially last Thursday and the first day was the hardest. My husband and I went out to lunch with our two year old and he had french fries. They are not my food anymore so I felt deprived in that moment but it was fleeting. Since then I am making good choices and I do not feel deprived at all. In the past five days, I have already lost 3 lbs. I have 60 lbs to lose to get to a healthy weight for me. Five days in recovery and so far, so good.