Helping Others

The last time I spoke to Doc, she mentioned how sometimes helping others is good for your own personal recovery. I've only been doing this for about six weeks, I think and God seems to be using me already to reach others with similar food addictions. It started with my friend, "S". Friend S and I were talking about things going on in our lives and I mentioned my adventures in recovery. She was telling me about her problem with sugar and she realized she had a pretty significant addiction to it. Since our talk, she has found the courage to start making changes to eliminate it from her diet. She is reading a book on clean eating and she is very inspired. She and I will be meeting again soon to talk more in depth about what I do, versus a workable game plan for her. Today, I was having a play date with my friend ST. Our kids were playing and she mentioned my weight loss. Apparently it's noticeable to others....a nice thing to have noticed! I was explaining my food addiction, what my problem was, and how I am working in recovery from it. Her eyes got big and she said that sounds just like her. She can't wait to hear more about it. She and I are going to find a time soon to "get down and dirty" (well, you know what I mean) in details. I am even going to take her to the store I shop at and show her all of my grocery treasures! How humbling to be an example for others, used by God. Who knew that facing my problem would end up giving hope to others with the same issue? All I can say is wow. God amazes me!

A Better Way

I know many people who have undergone lap-band or bariatric surgery to help them lose weight. I've heard the stories of how their bodies easily get them sick if they eat wrong. A family member of mine had this type of surgery today. I battle a food addiction, but I do not understand the desperation of major surgery. I've heard too many stories of how people undo their surgery by going back to the old eating habits from before. I worry for this very thing for my family member. Depression runs through my family significantly. I hope for her sake that she can make lifestyle changes to make her success long term. Scary too, that some people die from complications from this type of surgery. My friend's husband died from complications from his surgery. He left a wife and young child behind. This to me is not worth it. Make life style changes and join a support group....and most importantly, ask God to help you. I know it isn't always as simple as I make it sound. Addiction certainly isn't. The reason our country is overweight is because we eat garbage. High calorie, low nutrition foods that make us fat and sluggish. One thing that is amazing to me is that now that I have eliminated sugar and wheat from what I eat, everything tastes so much better! My favorite new food is vanilla almond butter, made local in my state. There is a little sugar in it; it's the last ingredient. I know that my new 'treat' can go and get me into trouble if I am not careful. I make a point to eat it only once or twice a week (limited to a serving size) and with apple slices. The instant it becomes a must have, then it has to go. These are the types of changes that will cause me to be successful and without major surgical intervention. Last weigh in I was down 7 1/2 pounds. I am in a notch on my belt too. :D

Unexpected Success

My husband and I got into an emotionally charged debate today and I went and took a drive. I was gone all of 20 minutes and I drove like I normally would, but I was thinking about what was said and I was talking to God. I find it hard being the parent of a step child at times. He's a great kid with a big heart, but sometimes I seem to remain distant from him. I was thinking about why that is and I think it's because he reminds me so much of his mother; someone I love very much. His mother was my best friend and she died four and a half years ago. Sometimes I think the reminders of her through him bring up feelings that are deep down inside. I love this boy like he's my own. I would die for him. Sometimes it's hard to be his mom. I think sometimes, I'm afraid to fail with him....like I would be letting her down in some way. Instead, there are times when I push him away (unintentionally) or I'm too hard on him. This is an area where I really need God's help. I need Him to help me be the mom to my buddy that He intended me to be. When I was almost home, I realized that it never once occurred to me to go get ice cream and drown in my misery. That's HUGE! Progress in recovery is being made and this one is a big deal. It's proof that I'm doing what God wants, as far as my addiction goes. :D

Mirror, Mirror

I need a new mirror. I do not particularly like what my current one shows. As I was getting ready this morning, I was looking at my reflection and those pesky negative thoughts started to invade my mind. You know the ones that tear you down? I quickly realized what I was doing to myself and I started thinking about what God says. Regardless of what my reflection shows, Jesus loves me for the way I am right now. I reminded myself that years of depression and emotional eating have taken their toll on my body. I am chubby and overweight because I did it to myself. I don't say it as a condemnation, but as facing the truth. Several weeks ago I started the lifestyle change eliminating wheat and sugar from my diet. This morning, I had to remind myself that the extra pounds I carry did not accumulate overnight. Just as it took time for the pounds to be gained, it will take time for the pounds to be lost. I need a new mirror. I need to see me as God sees me; a woman beautiful because I am a daughter of the King, because He created me.

Many questions

Today I am having a day where I am questioning everything....or at least many things. With my 3 month stretch of slow activity in my business, I am starting to wonder if I should let it go and not renew next month. Of course, only half of the women who join Premier keep at it long term. I figured I would be in that group. I have my goals written, but I seem to be in a place where life events are taking over. Yesterday, I had my mammogram and ultrasound to check for breast cancer. Now, I wait for the results. Waiting is the hardest part. I guess part of me feels like my life has been put on hold. It's been that way somewhat since December. Today Pa would have been 66. We would have celebrated his birthday with the kids. He loved his grand babies. My little guy is a ray of sunshine today. He looks at me with his big, blue eyes, and his big smile and he makes me smile too. I guess, I am feeling too many different things today to make any kind of decision. I am finding hard lately to juggle everything. I suppose when you are concerned about test results, life stops flowing as easily.

Emotional Eating

I have struggled with emotional eating for a very long time. This weekend, I discovered a spot that I thought might be breast cancer. As I began thinking about how that would change life, I got real scared. My emotional eating habit was screaming at me...."sugar! You need sugar!" Sugary foods, especially chocolate or ice cream are what I would go to. I would conveniently take a drive by myself and hit Dairy Queen drive through, eat a blizzard, and discard the evidence so no one, including my husband would know. I started wandering around my kitchen looking for something to curb this monster emotional craving, when I realized what I was doing. After stopping to think about what that choice would ultimately do, I opted for a healthy snack of vanilla greek yogurt with some grapes. I had a small portion and I was fine. Did I make the right choice? Possibly. To be able to walk away entirely without my snack would be ideal, but as long as I persist, that will come in time with God's help. I have two diagnostic tests on Monday to determine whether or not I have cancer, but my doctor is quite certain that it won't be. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:13

Setting Myself Up For Success

I have a hard time saying 'no'....especially when it's to a family member. My sister sells TS and she asked me to host a party. My first thought was 'I can't eat anything!'. I've found that to not be entirely true. Today, as I was preparing some of the items for tomorrow, I made notes about which foods had flour or sugar and which did not. A few of the dips I can have, as long as I keep my portions small. Instead of the beer bread, I am going to make myself a loaf of gluten free bread. The apple cake I have to avoid. But, my sister is wonderful. One of the recipes she's making needs noodles, so she got corn noodles and is going to make it all with that. I also got a bunch of veggies and she was also going to buy a fruit tray for something else to have that I could eat. I am so blessed to have family who is supportive of the change in my dietary needs. I'm confident that tomorrow will be fun. I don't have to worry about avoiding everything and setting myself up for a fall. Tomorrow is also weigh in day. Today is day 16 in recovery. I am doing well and I can be around food I used to eat and it doesn't bother me because I no longer crave it. I won't even sneak a bite because I know that is the road to quick destruction. I am amazed at my attitude change but obviously sugar and flour were having a negative impact on me, emotionally and physically. All glory goes to God for His mighty hand in my recovery. WITH JESUS, I CAN DO THIS!

Grocery Gold!

As I work on expanding what I can eat, I am ecstatic to find a gluten free bread mix and gluten free Rice Krispies at the store!! All I need is a little creativity and some good food finds. A trip to Whole Foods will soon be in order.

Reflection

My husband and I had lunch today and we were talking about how I am pretty much vegetarian anymore. I ordered chicken with my lunch and had a hard time eating it. That spurred a chat about food addiction. My husband is not totally sold on that as the source of my problem, but he is supportive. He sees that my changes are working. He asked me about how my family was when I was growing up and it got me thinking about the influences in my life that contributed to my wrong coping mechanisms. Depression runs through my mom's side of the family. Weight problems do too. They pretty much go hand in hand....emotional eating. I can remember when my mom was smaller. For a long time, she was the size where I am now. Then she lost both of her parents in a car accident and I think that is what sent her down hill. Over many years, she has gained and she is at a point where she hates it, but seems powerless to change it. My heart breaks because I can't help her. I can only set a better example for her. I could blame my problems on my family influence, but what good would that do? That does not point to a solution, only bitterness and more emotional eating. I have to fight past this family curse to set a better lifestyle for my three children. I also dn NOT want to rely on meds to keep my body functioning the way it is supposed to. God is calling me to a lifestyle change. This isn't easy. Eating whatever I want is easy, but it has long term dire consequences. Like Doc says, I risk dying by my fork if I don't change my life. I am worth fighting for and so is my family.

Testing...1....2....3.....

I have wrestled with emotional eating for most of my life. It was a habit I learned at home. Today had my first emotional situation since being in recovery. I caught my son in a lie and it fueled some high emotion. Typically, when I am upset, I find something sweet and eat it...and a lot of it at that. My family and I went out to eat tonight and the manager sent us home with four large cookies. These things are about four inches in diameter. Boy were they screaming at me. I had a light dinner and I wanted a small snack but these cookies were yelling my name. I thought about eating one but I stood my ground, knowing I would kick myself for caving and opted for some apple and natural peanut butter instead. God says temptation will come, but He will always give us a way out. In my triumph, I am saying "yay! Crisis diverted!"