Unexpected Success

My husband and I got into an emotionally charged debate today and I went and took a drive. I was gone all of 20 minutes and I drove like I normally would, but I was thinking about what was said and I was talking to God. I find it hard being the parent of a step child at times. He's a great kid with a big heart, but sometimes I seem to remain distant from him. I was thinking about why that is and I think it's because he reminds me so much of his mother; someone I love very much. His mother was my best friend and she died four and a half years ago. Sometimes I think the reminders of her through him bring up feelings that are deep down inside. I love this boy like he's my own. I would die for him. Sometimes it's hard to be his mom. I think sometimes, I'm afraid to fail with him....like I would be letting her down in some way. Instead, there are times when I push him away (unintentionally) or I'm too hard on him. This is an area where I really need God's help. I need Him to help me be the mom to my buddy that He intended me to be. When I was almost home, I realized that it never once occurred to me to go get ice cream and drown in my misery. That's HUGE! Progress in recovery is being made and this one is a big deal. It's proof that I'm doing what God wants, as far as my addiction goes. :D