I want to be a Yes girl!

So here I am, still trying to get myself back on track. This is something I really cannot do without the help of God. I do not have the strength to stay true to recovery from food addiction without Him. I find that my focus needs to be on Him and when I lose my focus, I fall back into old habits.

I am doing an online Bible study through Proverbs 31 Ministries: What Happens When Women Say Yes To God. It is a wonderful study. My struggle comes in determining exactly what God wants of me right now. I want to be a girl who says YES! to God, but I confess that it's often hard. My selfishness gets in the way. I look at myself in the mirror and dislike what I see, but then I seem powerless to do something about it.

I have a game plan. For the first four weeks, focus on the couch to 5k running plan. Then after the four weeks, I want to add a workout DVD two times a week. It would look like this: Sunday: rest day, Monday: DVD, Tuesday: running, Wednesday: rest day, Thursday: running, Friday: DVD, Saturday: running.

I was going to start the running this week, but I started homeschooling my kids this week and found myself very tired from adjusting to a new schedule. My plan now is to start running on Sept. 3.

I know I need to address the eating too. I haven't gone totally off kilter, but there are definitely areas where I need to hold fast to. I have developed IBS and there are many foods that really bother me. I am working on figuring out which foods trigger my negative symptoms so that I can make an "avoid these" list. I know that my food addiction trigger foods will be on that list too.

Focus on God. That is my key to success.

Haiti and Beyond

My trip to Haiti was fabulous! I learned even more about the people and culture. Haitian food is so good.....and does not make me feel ill the way food here does. I've been back for about 3 days and my digestive system has been miserably out of whack. American food is horrible. It makes me feel awful. Getting back to healthy, organic eating is the only option. I read something today about stopping the many excuses we make for things we don't want to do, but know we should. Every day I need to choose the right foods. Feeling ill is miserable. I had a good breakfast and logged it in WW. I have a weight loss goal to reach and health to gain.

And The Challenge Continues

I haven't written much lately because I am still struggling. I was getting very overwhelmed trying to keep the different facets of my life straight and I went to focusing on WW only lately. Well, I have been feeling like crud. I saw my doctor today because I have been having some digestive issues for a good six months or more. She diagnosed me with IBS. She suggested a diet (FODMAP) that helps manage the symptoms which can make life tricky. I printed the list and I am surprised at many things on this avoid list. Apples are on the avoid list due to their sugar content. I eat apples a lot so this is going to be a big change. It eliminates most dairy too. I need to learn to better manage my stress as well. Stress can cause IBS symptoms to worsen. I've noticed this link in my own body. The challenge continues for me to find the best eating plan for my life. I want to feel better and get healthier.

Secret Hell

No one knows the secret hell that addicts face, unless you've also been there. I imagine each type of addiction is slightly different in what that hell looks like. For me, someone who struggles with food addiction, my secret hell is in my head. I am still struggling to get back into full recovery. In talking with Doc today, one bite of the wrong thing can be enough for some people to fall. That one bite turns into 6-10 days of hell. Food addiction is tough because sugar and wheat mess with your brain chemistry. That is why my hell is in my head. My brain chemistry is really out of whack. I was driving with my son a few minutes ago, heading to the bank, and it started.....a craving that threatened to take me over. I had two different voices yelling in my head. Remember in the older cartoons where there would be a character and there was a devil and an angel on their shoulders? That is what I sometimes get in my head. I have my brain and body screaming at me to go get this food item. When it is yelling at you that hard, you want to hurry up and feed it so that it shuts up. That's why addicts cannot walk away alone. There is literal bondage to the substance in question. The voice is screaming at me and I am going to feed it, knowing full well that it is going to make me feel awful. I will get physically sick from it. Sounds like insanity, doesn't it? My other voice was the Holy Spirit, reminding me that I do not have to let food win. Through God, I can glorify him through walking away and replacing this struggle with something healthy. A verse in 2 Timothy I read this morning says to let God be our strength. The Holy Spirit reminded me of that, so here I sit writing this instead of caving into the bad voice. I chose to let God win.

Don't Let Your Guard Down

Being an addict of anything, whether it be food, alcohol, drugs, sex, etc., is not an easy condition to live with. You have to remain on guard at all times. The moment you relax, you start to slip. One slip leads to an avalanche. This weekend, I had a girl's pamper night with some of my friends. Everyone brought a snack to share. I brought fruit. Unfortunately, I was having so much fun that I let my guard down and I ended up eating a whole bunch of sugary things. Three months of doing well and one bite messed up my eating in a big way. It's so true that you cannot just eat a little. One bite leads to a landslide. I've been off-kilter since the Chicago trip. The struggle to get back where you were can feel almost impossible. God's Word says "For I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13) I need to refocus. I need to focus on God and I need to log all of my food choices in WW online. Today, I stepped on the scale, recorded my weigh in (which was up a little) and logged my breakfast. I read today's entry in the 24 Hour book. It's the book that people in Alcoholics Anonymous read every day. You plug in food addict words in place of alcohol and most of it applies. Any addiction is a LIFELONG struggle. It's hard....that's why we're instructed to focus on today and not look too far ahead. Get through today. Then the next day. Then the next day. In the middle of this struggle, God is bringing me more people to help. It's amazing that as you work to help others with the same struggle, it helps you too.

Time to Refocus

It is easy to lose your focus and get sidetracked....especially when you go on vacation. My husband and I spent a few days in Chicago last week with our kids. It was a nice family getaway. The kids loved the big city and especially the aquarium! When you battle food addiction, travel is tricky! As I think of my food choices from last week, some were good, some were not so good. I didn't really go 'whole hog' but I did compromise some of my food choices. Even the few days after we got home, I didn't really refocus my effort on staying in recovery. That stops here. Today is a new day and while I cannot go backward, I CAN change how I move forward. I started with an 'in plan' breakfast. One thing I've learned is to stay positive and not to dwell on the negative. Thinking through my week and reflecting on what happened is the best way to move in the right direction. I am going to continue with my running program too. We did so much walking in Chicago, my legs were sore for a few days. Onward and upward!

Easter

Easter is tomorrow. I see many posts about eggs, bunnies, and Jesus. Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' amazing resurrection! I think about what He did on the cross and to be honest, it is hard to comprehend it in its fullness. I do not want to take His sacrifice for granted. This holiday is full of candy, baskets, bunny cakes, Peeps...a food addicts nightmare. My family traditionally had a ham for dinner, but when I think about the sodium content and the expense of trying to find an organic ham, it's just not worth the hassle. My parents and in-laws are coming for dinner tomorrow. I am making lasagne instead. One will be 'regular' and one gluten free. I will be using organic ground chicken instead of beef. There will be salad as well. I am also making a gluten free, sugar free orange poppyseed cake for dessert. My kids are not getting an Easter basket this year either. Instead, I bought each of them an Easter gift that promotes family time. I am amazed at the journey that God has me on and how it is changing the dynamic of my family in healthier ways. What a blessing it is! God sacrificed His son for the world. Every day, He is teaching me to sacrifice my want for my health. I sacrifice eating unhealthy foods for healthy ones. I sacrifice sedentary lifestyle for running. Honestly, it's all worth it. My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I am cleaning the temple out for God's glory!

What A Difference!

I started the couch to 5k running program the first time back in 2008. I was overweight, on an expensive weight loss program and needed a way to get active. Trudging through each session was hard. There were days that I wasn't sure if I would make it to the end. I did. I ran my first 5k the day after my best friend died. All of the emotions of my horrible loss ran through me as I struggled to make the finish line. My sister ran with me and her encouragement kept me running to the very end. I know that I made my BFF proud because I stuck it out. I started running 5Ks in her memory after that. You see, she was supposed to be my running buddy. She was 7 1/2 months pregnant when she died. After she had her little girl, she was going to join me in running. I had a memorial shirt made and it was my race day shirt. Since then, life is very different. I am overweight again, but in recovery from food addiction. I am going through the couch to 5k program again, but what amazes me is this: I am running faster now than ever before! My first 5k, I was down to 145 lbs but I ran slow...about 3.2 mph. I am currently 185 and running 4.1 mph. How is it possible that I can run faster now, carrying an extra 40 pounds?! The only difference is what I eat. I no longer eat sugar, wheat, processed foods, junk food, or fast food. I am healthier now than I have been since I was a kid. What a difference healthy eating makes! And not just healthy, but clean eating. This is one lifestyle change that is permanent. I look forward to my first 5k of 2013. I will be wearing my special memorial race day shirt and I am guessing that I will be making a new personal record. :D I just might have to encourage Doc to be at the finish line so I have an extra celebration buddy.

A Little Bit of Everything

I am seeing physical success that I can measure! I am down a pant size. I was so excited when I went shopping! I have finished the first week of the couch to 5k running program. I start the second week today. My husband cheers me on every step of the way. I am planning on running the Dow Run/Walk in May as my first race. This weekend I was invited to a leadership retreat for Premier. I need some encouragement since my business has been so slow. I am starting to feel discouraged, but I know that I just need to get some shows booked and meet some new people and things will be better again. We are supposed to bring snacks (something sweet and something salty) to share with everyone, but I have already told one of the coordinators that due to food allergies, I will just be bringing my own. It is way easier that way and I also set myself up for success that way. I am planning on bringing some fruit (apple, banana, grapes) and some Nut Thins and GF pretzels. I may pack some nuts too. I will have my reusable water bottle and Stevia on hand too. The past week or so, my two year old has been very trying. He's gotten mouthy, he has an attitude, and he has quite the temper. After a horrible day that left me in tears, I prayed for wisdom. Since then, I am more gentle in my responses to his bad behavior and it is working much better. He responds better to me and goes back to better behavior much more quickly. Yay for small victories! My best friend's birthday is coming up this weekend. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't miss her. I usually leave her flowers on her grave, but since I will be gone, I may have to do it early. I miss talking to her the most. She was my one sister who I could tell anything to. Talking to her while sitting on her bench just isn't the same. This week, I had to pick out pictures of my buddy and his mom for a Mother's Day brunch. The kindergarten teacher puts together a slideshow for all the moms. I chose a couple pics of AJ with his momma and a couple of him and me together.

Mental!

I have been having cravings the past week that don't make any sense. I really wanted some ice cream because I saw a picture of some. Normally, the sight of something doesn't bother me. I wonder if there is such thing as a mental craving. I don't physically crave it. I have been without processed sugar for 2 months. This craving occurred during PMS week and I am guessing that was a factor. I did not give into it but it just seemed out of place. Old habits die hard, I know. I just didn't figure it would be so deep in my subconscious. I've also been a touch emotional lately, but it's March...my best friend's birthday is coming up soon. The mind is such a powerful organ. My subconscious notices these little things and I get moody before I realize why. Actually, I bet my cravings are related in part to missing my best friend too. Breaking emotional eating habits is not easy. Last night, I had a snack and I am not sure I was hungry. It was a healthy snack, but the roots of my food addiction run deep. Step one of avoiding unhealthy food is successful. Step two will be learning to recognize when my emotions are tied to wanting to eat. I don't get mad at myself when I realize that I fell into an familiar trap. One thing I know with absolute certainty: living in recovery is a life-long journey. Like anything else, it's a learning process. Yesterday, I started the couch to 5k training program. I am down about 10 lbs and in two places on my belt. I am eating healthy foods and using WW to help me eat balanced and eat the right portion sizes. I haven't eaten processed foods or sugar in two months. I'd call that successful recovery. Wouldn't you?

Decisions, Decisions....

Saturday evening, my husband and I attended a benefit dinner for the Haitian ministry that we support. It was a wonderful evening with a nice dinner, (I made good choices!), speakers for what the ministry is about, and a silent auction. As I was there listening to the speakers (several were my friends) and looking at the slides of the things happening in Haiti, I felt a tug to go back. I went to Haiti on a mission trip two summers ago. We had a team of 11. Each team that goes has a different focus. When you're there, you live like the Haitians, eat like the Haitians, and love on the Haitian people. We helped some elderly women paint their new houses too. EDTC is a wonderful ministry because they aren't doing the work for the people. They're equipping the people to work for themselves, to earn a decent living, get out of their post-earthquake tents, and to clean up the garbage everywhere via a new recycling center. Most of all, they're equipping people through a discipleship and literacy school to reach their own people for Jesus. Now I have a decision to make. I was planning on going to Rally for my jewelry business in July. Now, I want to go to Haiti on a team in June. My husband says that I cannot do both. My business has been slow so far this year. It's hard to fight the frustration of a business that is in a down time. Every jeweler has one periodically. I also think my "why" is changing. My "why": the reason I am part of Premier. I want to use my jewelry business to further the work in Haiti. It was part of my why, but now I think it's going to be my main focus. That is why I am leaning more and more on going to Haiti in a few months. I have to make my decision very soon....like in the next week. I have to admit, I already know I'm going to Haiti. I hope my Premier family understands and is supportive. I also hope they share all the fabulous training when they return from Rally!

Chocolate!

Right away from the title I can almost hear Doc saying "That is not your food!" No worries though...I didn't fall over board. In fact, I haven't eaten any. Today that is my problem. Chocolate is one of those foods that I miss on occasion. With Easter coming up, the stores are flooded with candy galore. Sadly, so is the cereal aisle every week. I can walk past it without even a glance. My dad forgets and offers me a little piece and I decline. His M&M car dispenser is still there, but I don't push the hood to get a handful. Today, I just want a bite. However, I am smart enough to know that it wouldn't stop there. I made myself a substitute: hot cocoa made from cocoa powder, milk, and stevia. It's not quite the same, but it's enough to satisfy my want. I can have a mug full, drink it slow and enjoy it. This is only the second mug of it I've had in my six weeks of recovery. In some ways, I thought this recovery journey would be harder....especially with changing habits. God must have His hand on me in a major way because I am doing well. To God be the glory! All things are possible with Jesus.

Helping Others

The last time I spoke to Doc, she mentioned how sometimes helping others is good for your own personal recovery. I've only been doing this for about six weeks, I think and God seems to be using me already to reach others with similar food addictions. It started with my friend, "S". Friend S and I were talking about things going on in our lives and I mentioned my adventures in recovery. She was telling me about her problem with sugar and she realized she had a pretty significant addiction to it. Since our talk, she has found the courage to start making changes to eliminate it from her diet. She is reading a book on clean eating and she is very inspired. She and I will be meeting again soon to talk more in depth about what I do, versus a workable game plan for her. Today, I was having a play date with my friend ST. Our kids were playing and she mentioned my weight loss. Apparently it's noticeable to others....a nice thing to have noticed! I was explaining my food addiction, what my problem was, and how I am working in recovery from it. Her eyes got big and she said that sounds just like her. She can't wait to hear more about it. She and I are going to find a time soon to "get down and dirty" (well, you know what I mean) in details. I am even going to take her to the store I shop at and show her all of my grocery treasures! How humbling to be an example for others, used by God. Who knew that facing my problem would end up giving hope to others with the same issue? All I can say is wow. God amazes me!

A Better Way

I know many people who have undergone lap-band or bariatric surgery to help them lose weight. I've heard the stories of how their bodies easily get them sick if they eat wrong. A family member of mine had this type of surgery today. I battle a food addiction, but I do not understand the desperation of major surgery. I've heard too many stories of how people undo their surgery by going back to the old eating habits from before. I worry for this very thing for my family member. Depression runs through my family significantly. I hope for her sake that she can make lifestyle changes to make her success long term. Scary too, that some people die from complications from this type of surgery. My friend's husband died from complications from his surgery. He left a wife and young child behind. This to me is not worth it. Make life style changes and join a support group....and most importantly, ask God to help you. I know it isn't always as simple as I make it sound. Addiction certainly isn't. The reason our country is overweight is because we eat garbage. High calorie, low nutrition foods that make us fat and sluggish. One thing that is amazing to me is that now that I have eliminated sugar and wheat from what I eat, everything tastes so much better! My favorite new food is vanilla almond butter, made local in my state. There is a little sugar in it; it's the last ingredient. I know that my new 'treat' can go and get me into trouble if I am not careful. I make a point to eat it only once or twice a week (limited to a serving size) and with apple slices. The instant it becomes a must have, then it has to go. These are the types of changes that will cause me to be successful and without major surgical intervention. Last weigh in I was down 7 1/2 pounds. I am in a notch on my belt too. :D

Unexpected Success

My husband and I got into an emotionally charged debate today and I went and took a drive. I was gone all of 20 minutes and I drove like I normally would, but I was thinking about what was said and I was talking to God. I find it hard being the parent of a step child at times. He's a great kid with a big heart, but sometimes I seem to remain distant from him. I was thinking about why that is and I think it's because he reminds me so much of his mother; someone I love very much. His mother was my best friend and she died four and a half years ago. Sometimes I think the reminders of her through him bring up feelings that are deep down inside. I love this boy like he's my own. I would die for him. Sometimes it's hard to be his mom. I think sometimes, I'm afraid to fail with him....like I would be letting her down in some way. Instead, there are times when I push him away (unintentionally) or I'm too hard on him. This is an area where I really need God's help. I need Him to help me be the mom to my buddy that He intended me to be. When I was almost home, I realized that it never once occurred to me to go get ice cream and drown in my misery. That's HUGE! Progress in recovery is being made and this one is a big deal. It's proof that I'm doing what God wants, as far as my addiction goes. :D

Mirror, Mirror

I need a new mirror. I do not particularly like what my current one shows. As I was getting ready this morning, I was looking at my reflection and those pesky negative thoughts started to invade my mind. You know the ones that tear you down? I quickly realized what I was doing to myself and I started thinking about what God says. Regardless of what my reflection shows, Jesus loves me for the way I am right now. I reminded myself that years of depression and emotional eating have taken their toll on my body. I am chubby and overweight because I did it to myself. I don't say it as a condemnation, but as facing the truth. Several weeks ago I started the lifestyle change eliminating wheat and sugar from my diet. This morning, I had to remind myself that the extra pounds I carry did not accumulate overnight. Just as it took time for the pounds to be gained, it will take time for the pounds to be lost. I need a new mirror. I need to see me as God sees me; a woman beautiful because I am a daughter of the King, because He created me.

Many questions

Today I am having a day where I am questioning everything....or at least many things. With my 3 month stretch of slow activity in my business, I am starting to wonder if I should let it go and not renew next month. Of course, only half of the women who join Premier keep at it long term. I figured I would be in that group. I have my goals written, but I seem to be in a place where life events are taking over. Yesterday, I had my mammogram and ultrasound to check for breast cancer. Now, I wait for the results. Waiting is the hardest part. I guess part of me feels like my life has been put on hold. It's been that way somewhat since December. Today Pa would have been 66. We would have celebrated his birthday with the kids. He loved his grand babies. My little guy is a ray of sunshine today. He looks at me with his big, blue eyes, and his big smile and he makes me smile too. I guess, I am feeling too many different things today to make any kind of decision. I am finding hard lately to juggle everything. I suppose when you are concerned about test results, life stops flowing as easily.

Emotional Eating

I have struggled with emotional eating for a very long time. This weekend, I discovered a spot that I thought might be breast cancer. As I began thinking about how that would change life, I got real scared. My emotional eating habit was screaming at me...."sugar! You need sugar!" Sugary foods, especially chocolate or ice cream are what I would go to. I would conveniently take a drive by myself and hit Dairy Queen drive through, eat a blizzard, and discard the evidence so no one, including my husband would know. I started wandering around my kitchen looking for something to curb this monster emotional craving, when I realized what I was doing. After stopping to think about what that choice would ultimately do, I opted for a healthy snack of vanilla greek yogurt with some grapes. I had a small portion and I was fine. Did I make the right choice? Possibly. To be able to walk away entirely without my snack would be ideal, but as long as I persist, that will come in time with God's help. I have two diagnostic tests on Monday to determine whether or not I have cancer, but my doctor is quite certain that it won't be. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:13

Setting Myself Up For Success

I have a hard time saying 'no'....especially when it's to a family member. My sister sells TS and she asked me to host a party. My first thought was 'I can't eat anything!'. I've found that to not be entirely true. Today, as I was preparing some of the items for tomorrow, I made notes about which foods had flour or sugar and which did not. A few of the dips I can have, as long as I keep my portions small. Instead of the beer bread, I am going to make myself a loaf of gluten free bread. The apple cake I have to avoid. But, my sister is wonderful. One of the recipes she's making needs noodles, so she got corn noodles and is going to make it all with that. I also got a bunch of veggies and she was also going to buy a fruit tray for something else to have that I could eat. I am so blessed to have family who is supportive of the change in my dietary needs. I'm confident that tomorrow will be fun. I don't have to worry about avoiding everything and setting myself up for a fall. Tomorrow is also weigh in day. Today is day 16 in recovery. I am doing well and I can be around food I used to eat and it doesn't bother me because I no longer crave it. I won't even sneak a bite because I know that is the road to quick destruction. I am amazed at my attitude change but obviously sugar and flour were having a negative impact on me, emotionally and physically. All glory goes to God for His mighty hand in my recovery. WITH JESUS, I CAN DO THIS!

Grocery Gold!

As I work on expanding what I can eat, I am ecstatic to find a gluten free bread mix and gluten free Rice Krispies at the store!! All I need is a little creativity and some good food finds. A trip to Whole Foods will soon be in order.

Reflection

My husband and I had lunch today and we were talking about how I am pretty much vegetarian anymore. I ordered chicken with my lunch and had a hard time eating it. That spurred a chat about food addiction. My husband is not totally sold on that as the source of my problem, but he is supportive. He sees that my changes are working. He asked me about how my family was when I was growing up and it got me thinking about the influences in my life that contributed to my wrong coping mechanisms. Depression runs through my mom's side of the family. Weight problems do too. They pretty much go hand in hand....emotional eating. I can remember when my mom was smaller. For a long time, she was the size where I am now. Then she lost both of her parents in a car accident and I think that is what sent her down hill. Over many years, she has gained and she is at a point where she hates it, but seems powerless to change it. My heart breaks because I can't help her. I can only set a better example for her. I could blame my problems on my family influence, but what good would that do? That does not point to a solution, only bitterness and more emotional eating. I have to fight past this family curse to set a better lifestyle for my three children. I also dn NOT want to rely on meds to keep my body functioning the way it is supposed to. God is calling me to a lifestyle change. This isn't easy. Eating whatever I want is easy, but it has long term dire consequences. Like Doc says, I risk dying by my fork if I don't change my life. I am worth fighting for and so is my family.

Testing...1....2....3.....

I have wrestled with emotional eating for most of my life. It was a habit I learned at home. Today had my first emotional situation since being in recovery. I caught my son in a lie and it fueled some high emotion. Typically, when I am upset, I find something sweet and eat it...and a lot of it at that. My family and I went out to eat tonight and the manager sent us home with four large cookies. These things are about four inches in diameter. Boy were they screaming at me. I had a light dinner and I wanted a small snack but these cookies were yelling my name. I thought about eating one but I stood my ground, knowing I would kick myself for caving and opted for some apple and natural peanut butter instead. God says temptation will come, but He will always give us a way out. In my triumph, I am saying "yay! Crisis diverted!"

Cereal

Today I miss cereal. I was feeding my three kids breakfast and I really wanted the cereal that my little one had. I looked at the box and it had sugar and wheat flour, two of the foods I can no longer have. As I read the ingredients, I reminded myself "not my food." It is days like this one which makes this recovery journey a little tougher. I have to form new habits as I walk this road. This morning I had oatmeal and to be honest, I didn't really want it. I put a banana in it though, which made it tasty. I'm noticiing that since I no longer eat sugar, things that are naturally sweet, like fruit, taste amazing! I do need to talk to Doc about other breakfast options so I don't get bored. Today is recovery day 8. I am still going strong, even though I am longing for some old foods. God is on this life change with me. He's the one who's been prompting me to make the change. It's not one I can make on my own, but one that I can through Him. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength I need." ~Philippians 4:13 Have a blessed day!

Facing the truth

Hi. My name is Lissa and I am a food addict. This is not something that I can say very easily. It brings up shame and guilt. It has taken me months to get to a place of acceptance. For a long time, I did not want to admit that I had a real problem. "I can handle it....I can eat anything and be fine." The lies went on and on and the numbers on my scale went up and up. For me it was never an intentional issue. My addiction follows closely to battling depression for most of my life. I get down, I eat uncontrollably, I feel guilty, I eat. What a vicious negative cycle I lived in. One full of denial and misery. I have tried every diet plan and then some. I have wasted countless amounts of money on trying to get my weight down, only to have it go back up. I realize now that I was avoiding the real cause.....until now. I have a fabulous Christian therapist whom I will call simply 'Doc'. I've been seeing Doc for at least 6 months. We've been working through many issues and working toward getting me depression free and healthy. After watching a documentary on where our food comes from, I decided to transition the family to being vegetarian. The kids squawked but they got used to it. Then my father in law got sick and everything went out the window. Back to the old crappy eating habits. My FIL died right after Christmas this past year and it was time to take action. My scale read the highest weight I have ever had, except for being 9 months pregnant. How far was I going to let this go? Did I really need to develop heart problems and diabetes before getting my head out of denial? Nope. With Doc's help and God's nudging, I faced reality. I have a food addiction, which is a serious problem like any other kind. Doc and I formed a plan of attack. Flour and sugar are what cause my uncontrollable cravings and mindless eating habits. They have to go and not just for awhile. FOREVER. Really? Forever? Yep. I have proven many times that trying to have just a little doesn't work. Food takes over and I get fatter and more depressed. No more bread, cookies, cake, ice cream, chocolate.....and I am now okay with it. I am using Weight Watchers online to keep track of what I am eating while avoiding flour and sugar. I get to eat lots of wonderfully healthy foods like fruits, veggies, beans, nuts, hummus, veggie protein, eggs, etc. I started officially last Thursday and the first day was the hardest. My husband and I went out to lunch with our two year old and he had french fries. They are not my food anymore so I felt deprived in that moment but it was fleeting. Since then I am making good choices and I do not feel deprived at all. In the past five days, I have already lost 3 lbs. I have 60 lbs to lose to get to a healthy weight for me. Five days in recovery and so far, so good.